Christmas Party and Back to School

Last week my company threw its holiday party. Maybe it wasn't exactly like the picture above, but I just wanted to throw that in here. Perhaps some of you have had first hand experience at an office Christmas party, or maybe you have seen some on TV. Well, unfortunately, my party was not as entertaining as the kind of things we have come to know and love: eggnog and yankee swaps in the office; people abusing the photocopier; scandalous inter-office hookups; the boss riding in on a reindeer. But there was dancing. Oh yes. There was, how shall I say, "uninhibited" dancing. Not by me though. Perhaps another time.

The office holiday party is a yearly tradition for most companies. I was lucky enough to join my company the year our CEO decided to retire, which meant that our holiday party was pretty fancy. Many offices in New York City - especially big firms and companies owned by multinational conglomerates - have their parties in hotel ballrooms with multiple bars, dance floors, game rooms, prizes, and other goodies. While my party was not a huge extravaganza, it was still a classy affair. We were lucky enough to be entertained at a rather upscale restaurant. But this wasn't it a sit down dinner, it was the usual mingling and buffet-style grab-and-go experience. Yes, there were open bars and there were a number of people who took advantage of that. And yes, there were people on the dance floor. I tried to avert my eyes at all costs. Maybe I can't dance well, but that's no excuse for having to watch others do the same.

There was one aspect of the party that was a bit odd. It was the small talk. Now, I'm no good at small talk. I'm not even good at regular talk. So meeting new people from your workplace and engaging in benign conversation was a bit difficult. But everywhere I went I found people mostly talked about the same thing: work. Granted, it's a perfectly normal ice-breaker, especially when you know its something you have in common. But after a while of talking shop, me and whoever I was talking to would slowly get quieter and quieter. The pauses longer and longer. Was it me? Probably. I've had some other extra-curricular activities with people from work, and the situation was pretty similar. Is that what happens, now that I'm a working man? Am I forced to talk about work wherever I go, whomever I'm with? You talk about what you know, and maybe the only thing I know is work! That's what this blog is about! Ahh!

So, moving on to something not work related...

No, I didn't get into grad school, or have to rematriculate back to my old school. I just chose that picture for the title. And it's a pretty awesome movie. But the point is, I made my first trek back to my alma mater, what some may consider a momentous occasion. I wasn't thinking too much of it - I went to go see a show my friends were putting on - and I figured it would be a nice day-trip with fond remeniscing, and a nice chance to see old friends. But it was more than that. I never thought I was too attached to my school when I was there, but revisiting the place where I became so entrenched, so familiar with everything, the place where I lived for most of four years - well, I realized just how insular the whole thing was. My college is a small liberal arts college in New England and our campus was isolated from the city we were in. Going back, and seeing the current seniors, I realized I was no longer the big man on campus. I felt that I didn't fit in anymore, I didn't belong. Yes, I did belong, in a way. But it was the feeling like you can never go home again. I couldn't just pick up where I left off. I had a new life, away from the routine and security of college life.

Of course, this mini existential crisis lasted for only a little while. The play was hilarious (Beyond Therapy by Christopher Durang), and everyone involved did a terrific job. Overall it was a good time. It was sad and frustrating that I had to go back to work on Monday (but then, that's how I feel every weekend), but I knew I would see people again. I guess it's just hard transitioning to life after college. If you've graduated, have you gone back to school? What was it like? And if you haven't graduated, do you think what I'm saying won't happen to you?

Well, that's it for now. I promise my next blog will be more entertaining and hopefully funny. Happy Holidays and see you next year!

Is this the end of the Salt Miner? Stay tuned!

What a sensational headline! Could you hear the dramatic organ music? Can you feel the suspense?!

So I haven't had a post in around a week. That's not to say I don't have material - I certainly do. Like Adventures in Jury Duty Selection, First Time Back at Alma Mater, and, coming this week, Company Christmas Party. So why the sudden drop off the face of the earth? Well, some two reasons: One, work has picked up a bit, not giving me ample time to give you, dear reader, the quality blog posts you so deserve; and Two, I've been able to take a later train, therefore getting me to the office later, and thusly not giving me the window of time where I could calmly and cooly write the posts you, gentle reader, so demand.

Have I succumbed to the whim of my working masters? Have they beaten me down, ground my spirit into the carpeted floor of my cubicle (no, it's not plush or fancy carpet)? Well, not really. But let's face it - a little. It's hard to write a blog in the middle of the working day, when suspicious eyes float down the halls and peer at my computer screen (that actually doesn't happen...I think). If you recall my first post I never promised or expected to keep this going for long. In fact, I'm pretty amazed I've gotten this far.

So is this the end? Probably not. I'm writing this, aren't I? But for the time being, any posts I have may be shorter and with less pictures. Possibly no pictures. And they will be really short posts and probably more sporadic. Oh well.

Thanks for reading.

Projects

No, that's not me.


Sometimes life at the workplace can become tedious. Monotonous. Boring. Sometimes a routine can be comforting, giving you a feeling of security and safety. But most other times being in a routine is the same as being stuck in a rut. But not this kind of rut. More like this (and no, that's not me either). You feel trapped and claustrophobic. You feel that with each passing second your life ekes out of your pores, precious moments drifting by, never to be regained. You feel as if your life is like sand that is being sifted through a still and then crashed upon by ocean waves, all falling through an hourglass. A routine can be bad. Very bad. All Work And No Play - that sort of thing. Needless to say, it doesn't end well:







This is Jack Nicholson. Not me.



OK, so maybe it turns out a bit more unpleasant. But the other pictures were too scary.



The point is to find some things that help break the routine so we don't become axe-wielding maniacs. There are many ways to get out of the routine of work, work, eat, work, sleep, work, watch TV, work, sit silently watching a blank wall pondering the mysteries of the universe, work, etc, ad infinitum ad nauseum. One way to break the routine is to simply take a break: go on the Internet, take a walk around the office. A little break every now and then is essential to retaining your sanity. But I think there are better, more lasting ways to prevent zombification. These are projects. By having projects you set long-term goals for yourself. Projects should be fun, or should at least have little or nothing to do with your work. There are a number of ways to get creative. Here are some ideas:




1. Fantasy Football - Or any sport of your choosing, providing it's in season and there is a fantasy league somewhere online. Yahoo! Sports is what I know, and it may be the most popular fantasy site. There must be others though. ESPN should have one. All you do is get a bunch of friends and sign up. You draft your players, set up your roster, and let the computer do the rest! You don't have to know much about anything to play. I'll admit, I'm not too sports savvy. But I still have fun. You can pick your team colors, give your team a snazzy, inappropriate name, and unleash your best smack talk. Sure, you can trade players, look up stats, do math, and try to win (there are point systems for players and it's not too difficult to figure out), but the real fun comes in being part of the group and focusing on something that isn't work. My Fantasy Football team, The Runnerups is currently in third place. But there's still time.




2. Try and get a Wii - Go ahead. Try it. I dare you. Yeah, you can probably buy one online for around $500 (that's double the $250 retail price), or go on eBay and pay a little less, but I don't think you can find one in stores. Unless you have a tent, a nice supply of food, and a shotgun to fend off wolves and line-cutting teenagers, you might have a hard time getting a Wii. What's a Wii, you may ask? It's a video game console. It's neat because you wave a stick around and it makes little cartoon characters on your TV move around. Unlike moving a joystick, like regular old video games. I work near the Nintendo Store in New York, perhaps the only place in the country guaranteed to have Wiis in stock (almost) every day. But they only have around 150. And they open their doors promptly at 9:00 or earlier, and at 8:00 a.m. there is already a line half a block long. So a fun project might be to scour the earth to snag these wildly popular consoles. It may be daunting, it can be frustrating, but if you get one - can you give it to me?





3. Paper clips! - Paper clips are a useful tool. Yes, you can clip paper with them, but you can also short circuit an electrical outlet, make a pointy rod, or create some nifty projects. Paper clips are great because you can - gasp!- clip them together. Some fun uses for this are to make your very own paper clip curtain and hang it at your cubicle entrance. You can also make a paper clip chain mail vest, like the bloke in the picture above. Whoa Nellie! You're having fun now! Apparently that guy had a TV show in the fifties. He co-starred with a puppet. Another thing to do with paper clips is to bend and mold them into little people. Then you can have an army of paper clip people ready to do your bidding. Pit them against one another or even make them your employees. You're the boss, now!






4. Get to know everyone in your department - Ask them questions, get to know their personal side. Be friendly, outgoing, fun. You might learn something, do important networking, or make some friends. On second thought, this might be too much work. Let's skip this one.



5. Play darts, office style - Do you have those particle-board-type tiles on your office ceiling? The kind where if you throw a sharp pen or pencil just right you can get it to stick? If so, then color a bulls-eye on a tile and see how well you can do. This isn't a long-term project, though. In fact, this could be a very short-term project because if your co-workers or boss see this, there's a good chance you'll get fired. Especially if you happen to miss the ceiling and poke someone's eye out.





6. Rearrange your desk - This can happen however frequently you want - every month, week, day, hour - it's up to you! Put your Post-It notes on your left instead of your right. Move your computer to face a different wall if you can. Get rid of that old, crinkled inspirational poster featuring the cat hanging by the wire and replace it with a new, shiny poster with the picture shown here. Yes, this is pretty work related, but it will give you a new boost of energy and enthusiasm.





7. Learn origami - There's a good chance you'll have paper by you, so why not learn some origami? You can impress your friends, make some nifty hats, and see if you can make your own paper version of the San Diego Zoo by replicating every animal there.





As you may be able to tell, I have been running out of steam. If I think of more projects I will let you know. How about you? Can you suggest any projects? Are you doing something that gets you through the day? Knitting? Crocheting? Collecting stamps that you tore off from office mail? Let me know!

Giving Thanks

Ah yes, Thanksgiving. The time of year when friends, family, and loved ones gather round the table and give thanks for the many blessings in their lives. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will list what I am thankful for.

1. I'm thankful that I have a job - There are many benefits that come with having a job, such as income, health insurance, and a neat little name tag that gets me onto my floor. And thanks to my job I'm not bored sitting at home. Instead of learning a new language, learning how to play an instrument, doing exercise, or seeing the world - I get to work! Thank goodness. What's that? I can do those things even while working a full-time job? Thanks for the tip. Jerk.

2. Thanks for reading this blog. I'm sorry I called you a jerk. I'll take your advice and try to broaden my horizons. Thanks. And thanks for posting comments, it's great to hear what you think. There are so many other blogs and websites out there, I know mine might seem a little simple, a little mundane. So that's why I thank you personally, all six of you, for stopping by.

3. I'm thankful that I can buy things - Like this turkey cake pan from Williams Sonoma. The finished product is seen above. I love cake.

4. I am thankful that Dan Aykroyd is still getting work - Is anyone else super exited for this? I'm pumped. I love Ghostbusters. It may be my favorite movie. Apparently the game is a sequel, a legitimate entry in the series. It just happens to be a video game. The original cast is supposedly on board to do voice work, and the script of the game was written by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis. The game hits stores late next year. Now only if they would bring back Hi-C Ectocooler, my life would be complete.

5. I'm thankful for water coolers - Free water! What a concept! Water coolers give me cool, pure cups of refreshing, cleansing H20. A trip to the water cooler also takes time away from working (kind of like this blog). And that's always a good thing.

6. Thanks for the memories - I just wanted to say that. I have a terrible memory. Don't expect me to remember your name. Or that I even met you.

7. Thanks for vacation days - In Europe they have mandatory 35 hour work weeks. There is a minimum of two weeks paid vacation. We're lucky that we don't have to work on the weekends. So when that vacation day comes around it seems like your CEO gives you a back massage and a bowl of rare tropical fruit, just to say thanks. Thank you, friendly cabana-boy CEO.

Well, that's about all my fragile little mind can muster right now. What are you thankful for? What are you not thankful for? How many times did I use "thank?" Happy Thanksgiving!

Strikes, Daylight Savings, and 5-1

Thanks to AP

Some of you may be clamoring for the conclusion of last week's list: Ten Things I've Learned about Work Thus Far. Well, I'll get to that in a minute. After all, a good cliffhanger wouldn't be very good if it was resolved immediately. You have to keep the tension and suspense up in the beginning to keep people hooked until the end.

Which brings me to strikes. Today members of the Writer's Guild of America went on strike (struck?). If you are unawares, writers of film and television belong to their own union, and apparently a good amount of them are upset over royalties and DVD sales, or something to that effect. Without these writers our beloved television shows will soon peter out, leaving us with a glut of reality television and reruns. New movies may be stalled, but there is a good chance there is a backlog of scripts out there. But, there are some more things to consider:

1. How much good stuff is there on TV anyway? Aren't there too many reality shows already? Will the content be that much worse now that union writers are on strike?

2. Aren't there tons of people out there who would jump at the chance to write for TV or films without union benefits? I know I would.

3. And finally, is the plight of the Hollywood writer that monumental that they have to go on strike?

Yes, sometimes it is a good thing for people to go on strike, if pay is so low and conditions are so bad that the working man and woman fear for their lives. Strikes seem to be reserved only for truckers, auto-plant workers, and public servants: jobs that are essential for a functioning society - so essential in some cases that they should not be able to strike. A real Catch-22. But Hollywood writers? You may think I am callous or a hypocrite. Who am I to throw scorn at the face of the hard-working peon, the lowly scribe who toils away to create art only to have corporate suits skewer their vision and turn it into dreck?

Well, perhaps I should not criticize the writers for wanting what they are due. We all know that strikes don't always end well. It only makes both sides angry and confused and turns debate and level-headed negotiation into petty name calling purple monkey dishwasher. But now that I think about it, I fully support the writers. Give them what they want! Stop paying vapid celebrity actors millions of dollars! Please, please don't let Lost get postponed any more!

Sorry, I spent way too much time on that. Quickly though, I have a question about Daylight Savings. This past weekend we "fell back" and gained an hour. It's all a sham, people! Farmers don't control this country anymore! Now when I wake up it is bright outside. That is good for us early-risers because it makes getting out of bed less unbearable. But then it gets dark out at 5. I thought the point of the new Daylight Savings was to have us be awake during the daylight hours to conserve electricity. No? Can anyone explain the reason? The history? Why we don't just stick with the summer hours?

And finally, the moment you have all been waiting for. The conclusion to the list. I'll try and keep it short.

5. Coffee...urg...good!: Like Frankenstein's monster, most of us are stiff, lumbering beasts with limited brain function when we slip out of bed. We also look terrible. But even after the shower we might only evolve from reanimated corpse to a simple zombie. Thankfully, there is coffee. I used to work at my school's coffee shop and I never drank the stuff. A little ironic. But now I need it. Crave it! Maybe because caffeine is an addictive substance, but probably because it keeps me awake. Coffee is necessary for work.

4. You gain a greater appreciation for windows: No, not the computer operating system but good, old-fashioned glass. Remember when you were in elementary school (or every school level, really) and it was a bright, sunny day outside but you had to listen about the Battle of Ticonderoga? How you gazed longingly at the daffodils and rolling pastures, itching to bolt through the door so you can frolic blissfully? Well, the same feeling applies at work. If you are not near a window you are probably more productive, or more likely to lose all color in your skin and start making chain-mail out of paperclips. Windows are a reminder that there is an outside world. And it's close. So close. But so far away.

3. Work: It's not that bad: Sure, sure, everyday you trudge to your workplace and do mindless chores for at least seven hours, but you get paid! You're doing things! You interact with people...maybe. There are some people without jobs. You realize that you are better off than thousands of people around the world and maybe in your own town. Do you want to be on the streets? I thought not. So be thankful for what you have.

2. Work: It's still kind of bad: I spent four years at college for this? I thought I was a bright, creative, energetic individual with lofty ambitions and an altruistic spirit. I was going to change the world! I was going to do good and make a difference! Even if you didn't go to college or didn't want to save the world, you probably hoped that your work would mean something to you. That it would be fulfilling. That you would accomplish something important. That the job benifitted you and maybe, just maybe, it also benefitted something greater than yourself. Instead you feel like a drone. You feel like you are just working to make money, to appease your capitalist overlords, to keep the system running. Of course, if you are like me, you only just started and can go up, up, up...

Which brings me to the number one thing I've learned about working thus far...

1. I haven't learned too much. It's only been around three months. There is still potential to grow in the company I am at now, or to find a job I really enjoy. And yet, knowing all I do about the unemployed, paying bills, failing Social Security, and growing up, I still complain and gripe. Why? Because I'm still photocopying? Because I'm an entry-level employee? Well, yes. But there is still a lot more for me to learn. There is still more for me to experience. I have years ahead of me and I will have other jobs. Bigger jobs. Better jobs.

Or at least I hope.

This was pretty long, I apologize. But what are your thoughts on going on strike? The current state of Hollywood? Daylight Savings Time? What have you learned about work thus far? Let me know.

The 10th Post, Part I

Courtesy of kidsread.net. Reading is fun!


Wow. Look around, everyone. Do you know what you're seeing? You are witnessing the first and last 10th post on this blog. It's been an incredible journey, one which we would no doubt like to erase from our memories. So many polls, so many links, so many innane ramblings of a sleep-deprived post-grad trying to make sense of the corporate grind.

So what to do for this momentous occasion? How about a list? Everyone likes lists, right? Well I do, so that's what you're getting.

It has been just over three months since I started working (another milestone, perhaps, but not as great an achievement as 10 posts) so I thought I would list ten things I've learned about working...thus far. And no, this list is in no particular order. Or is it?*

10. A cubicle is not a mini-office: Just because your cube is semi-enclosed does not mean you have privacy. You cannot nap, dance, exercise, or cry tears of rage and frustration without being noticed.

9. Elevators are fun: Zoom! Whoosh! Yippee! I am lucky enough to work in a building with fast, modern elevators. Sure, there are some elevators out there that are faster, but the ones I ride do a decent job of making me feel like I'm training for a NASA mission - if only for a second. The downsides: Stairs would be healthier and elevators make you get to work quicker.

8. Radiation does not give you superpowers: Even though my generation has spent enough time in front of the TV and especially the computer, I thought that maybe sitting in front of a monitor for seven hours a day might alter my DNA and give me special abilities. This has not happened. Yet.

7. Getting paid is great: Just when you get to the breaking point - the time when you say enough is enough, you throw off your tie, and prepare to march into your boss's office and do a jig on his or her desk announcing you quit - you get paid. Holy of holies! Miracle of miracles! People are giving you money to do mindless tasks that give you no spiritual fulfillment. Yes, the taxes smart like iodine on an open wound, but hey, you're still making money. You're in the black. You almost have enough to eat a meal a day, but you decide to buy that Panda robot you saw in a Sharper Image catalog. Life is good.

6. Sitting all day is not as relaxing as it sounds: Not surprisingly, sitting on your duff for hours on end puts you on the road to more sitting. Sitting makes you fat --> when you're fat you don't want to move --> you don't move when you sit --> repeat. It's not a good cycle, and what makes it worse is that you're never really relaxing. Yes, it beats standing all day, but moving every now and then is highly recommended.

Do you like cliffhangers? I have a love/hate relationship with them. But anyway, I'll save numbers 5-1 for the next post. Why? The answer to that will be included in next week's list. See you then.


And here's some shout outs to the people that vote on my polls and write me comments. If it wasn't for you I'd probably take up Sudoku or something. Thanks.

*It isn't.

Links!

No, this post has nothing to do with sausage or chains, or the enduring hero of the Nintendo video game franchise. I've assembled all of three (3!) links that I thought some of you out there might enjoy. Why, pray tell? Because I can't really think of anything inspired to write. I could gripe about current affairs or the weather - two topics which are always good fodder for some rantin' - but I choose to give you these links. The first two are appropriate for this blog, seeing as they deal with work. The third one, well, it's just silly.


I love The Onion. No, not the erstwhile vegetable that makes you cry but the fake newspaper. The Onion is a brilliant satire that pokes fun at just about everything. You can usually pick up a free copy on the street of your local metropolis, or you can view the articles online at http://www.theonion.com/. I've tried about seven false starts at a sentence describing what it is The Onion does and how they do it so brilliantly. But it's early. Too early. And my brain takes about nine hours to wake up. So instead, I'll let the article speak for itself:


http://www.theonion.com/content/news/it_only_tuesday


Yes, there is a typo in the title. The article is not written by a Cro-Mangnon man (although that would not be unusual for The Onion). But isn't this true? Don't we always forget what day it is? for me, I always get Wednesday and Thursday mixed up, but in a good way. I usually think Thursday is Wednesday, and when I finally realize that Thursday is actually Thursday, I exalt in jubilation (redundant?) that the next day is Friday! And what's Wednesday then? It's some mysterious nebula, a mist that I aimlessly float in trying to figure out if I am alive or dead. It's also hump day.


Remember, it's early.


The Onion also has some neat graphs, lists, or charts. Because words are tiring. Pictures are much better! Here's a funny Stat-shot:


http://www.theonion.com/content/statshot/top_reasons_for_employee

The second one is very true for me. Although (knock on wood) I haven't missed a day of work yet! There's a post in there, about sick, vacation, and personal days, which hopefuly I'll get to eventually.

Finally, I came across this article from the New York Times yesterday. It has nothing to do with work, but boy did I get a chuckle out of it. Now, some of you may claim that I am being intolerant of another race and culture, dismissing their seeming eccentricities as just that - a quirky, odd, and laughable characteristic that should not be taken seriously. Well, yes, I kind of am. I mean, c'mon. Look at the pictures. I do really respect the Japanese, though. And I would love to visit their wonderful island nation. Read the article to find out what I'm talking about.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/20/world/asia/20japan.html?ex=1350619200&en=052c0d849fa3663c&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

I would love to see someone go up to the vending-machine-person and try to buy a drink.

Well, this has been a very, very long post (if you count all of the reading that I tried to make you do). So I'll end it here. Until next time.

An Interview With My Brother

Over the weekend I interviewed my brother (see the link to his blog on the side of the page - we're actually both posting this interview) to see what I could learn about his job. Read on to see what are the differences and similarities of our jobs, why Ohio is unique, and how driving can take its toll. That would be a pun if I asked about tolls.

Daniel: So, let's talk about your job

AJ: Sounds good

Daniel: First off, let's get the record straight ... do you have a job?

AJ: I don't think I made that clear when I started this blog. I do have a job, though. I guess it's full time because I'm, you know, always busy, but it ends in March.

Daniel: A job is still a job

AJ: Well, according to your blog, a job can be a bit boring at times. I think mine is awesome.

Daniel: What's the most awesome thing about your job and why?

AJ: Meeting so many different people; students, Jesuit priests, Jesuit Volunteers, people working for the colleges. They're full of great experience and are doing interesting things.

Daniel: I've heard some people ask this, so I'll relay it: are you going to be a priest?

AJ: No.

Daniel: Are priests going to be you?

AJ: I guess if they complete the application process and training... just kidding. They need to pass the obstacle course.

Daniel: Let's talk about your office.

AJ: Sure. I'm actually there right now, alone, on a beautiful Saturday.

Daniel: So you're typing from your car?

AJ: Almost. I'm back in Baltimore for the first time in a month, so I have the luxery of being in the second floor of my office building.

Daniel: But you're not parked on the second floor?

AJ: The stairwell is pretty big, I think my Corola can fit up the stairs. But I didn't try today.

Daniel: You drive a lot for this job, often for long stretches of time. Does that get lonely?

AJ: Not really, actually. My job consists of always meeting new people, giving presentations, sitting down and having one-on-ones. It's great and gives me so much energy, but since I have to be "on" all the time, it is nice to just be by myself and listen to music. It's my time to not have to talk.

Daniel: Do you have CD's or listen to the radio, or sing your own songs?

AJ: I mostly listen to the "scan" button.

Daniel: How about pit stops? You must have seen some interesting things.

AJ: The trucker stop in the middle of PA was interesting. Big fat men in overalls playing hunting arcade games. The scenery of upstate NY is also really beautiful.

Daniel: Any quaint bits of americana? Or any world's largest ball of lint?I suppose truckers in overalls is quaint, but more like that?

AJ: Not yet. The East Coast is pretty chill.

Daniel: When you reach 88 mph while driving do you travel through time?

AJ: Oh yeah, I thought that happened to me every time I reached 88. I would travel back a few decades, even one century in an instant. But then I realized that I was just in Ohio.

Daniel: What's the most frightening thing that's happened on one of your trips?

AJ: I once ate an entire bag of those pretzel nacho Combos and felt fine afterwards.

Daniel: How are you able to stay over at some colleges without having to do frat initiations?

AJ: I let them know ahead of time that I was applying to sororities only. I had to be very strict about that.

Daniel: What do you think of the new fall TV lineup?

AJ: Let's be honest (LBH), since I'm always on the road, I have no idea what's happening on TV. I don't even know the sports schedule. It's exactly the same situation I was in when I was over in Micronesia. That's sad, if I think about it.

Daniel: Well, you're not missing much ... except for Kid Nation.

AJ: Is that show any good? A real life Lord of the Flies?

Daniel: Well no. Not enough. Still, sweeps will come eventually.

AJ: I see ... no, actually, I don't see.

Daniel: You're travelling from Maine to Florida, is that correct?

AJ: Not directly, but my area is essentially between those two states.

Daniel: Have you considered being like Forrest Gump and operating a shrimping boat instead?

AJ: Only when I was driving through Alabama.

Daniel: Do you adopt the local accent and/or dialect wherever you go?

AJ: All the time. It helps with recruiting.

Daniel: Can you give an example?

AJ: "Hi, how are you today?"... hear that? Perfect Arabic accent.

Daniel: Does giving your presentation ever become tedious? Repetitive? Monotonous? Repetitive? Monotonous? because you've done it so many times? Does it ever become repetitive?

AJ: Not really, because I feel like I get better and better each time, more relaxed and confident. I do have this one joke I use in the beginning, and it's weird trying to pretend I just came up with it on the spot every time.

Daniel: Well, it looks like we're running out of time.

AJ: But we have all day.

Daniel: This is making me hungry.

AJ: Which part of my answers is making you hungry?

Daniel: Me talking makes me hungry.

AJ: Understandable.

Daniel: Ok, last question: would you rather drive your current car and have gas paid for you, or would you rather drive the Batmobile but pay for your own gas?

AJ: I think I'd rather fly a helicopter and pay for my own Navy SEALS.

Daniel: Interesting. That's another way to see the world, I suppose... other than joining JVI.

AJ: No. JVI is the only way.

Daniel: Sounds good

Columbus Day

Courtesy of geocities.com. He looks angry.

Columbus Day, or, as my mom likes to call it "Day of the Indigenous Peoples," is the day we celebrate Christopher Columbus sailing the ocean blue back in 1492, only to mistakenly crash onto already-inhabited lands and become the first person to wear the Century 21 Gold Blazer and win the Cadillac (the British colonists came second - they only got the set of steak knives).

While Columbus and his Day may be surrounded by controversy (What about the Indians/Native Americans/American Indians? What about the Vikings up north? Didn't he first land in the Caribbean?), we celebrate his accomplishment because we honor man's intrepid spirit to face the unknown and explore beyond our horizons for science, understanding, and new, exciting spices. If it weren't for Columbus, the New World might not have been discovered until much, much later. Like two years later! So every year we take pause and reflect on one of humanity's greatest accomplishments - the day the world became a little bit smaller but still managed to grow in our imagination. To facilitate these ponderous moments, schoolchildren across the land have a day off.

And I don't.

Yes, I'm complaining! Of course I am. What else do I do? Is school so taxing on the wee ones that they need another three-day weekend? They just had Labor Day, and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Ok, ok. It's the only day in October they get off. Right? Fine - give the kiddies a break.

Can...can I have the day off, too? I don't see why not? Will industry collapse, will the foundations of American capitalism be shaken to its core if we have one more day to gripe about tomorrow? Perhaps the powers that be think that if we get this day we'll be asking for more. What's next, they ask? Arbor Day? Birthdays? The anniversaries of very special moments from Friends?

(I apologize for the Friends joke. That was lazy writing, and I'm too lazy to change it.)

One day off a month helps boost morale, keeps us fresh and energized. We also have something to look forward to. Perhaps some of us have vacation and/or personal days, but some of us want to save those for when we really need them. Like for dentist appointments or adding that extra day to your vacation. Having a three-day weekend will make workers more relaxed and upbeat. We also hate Mondays. There's just a stigma attached to it. Even if we started on Tuesday and worked on Saturday we would be much happier. Again, Office Space gets it right. So why not give us one day off, on a Monday, so we can toil away at Excel with just a tad less contempt?

A long and scary post

Courtesy of lynxcopiers.co.uk

Happy October! Woopie! What's so great about October, you ask? It's the 10th month of the year, which means only two more to go. It's also the scariest month of the year. Why? I don't know for sure, but any month that has a day designated for kids to wear costumes and run loose about town is a scary month indeed.

(On a side note, I only occasionally find Kid Nation scary. Overall I think it's brilliant. It's an amazing sociological study. Political philosophers could have a field day writing treatises on the show. I just wish the producers would have been more hands-off. Then again, I've only seen the first episode.)

So yes, October is a frightening month, filled with ghouls and goblins and trashy horror-movie sequels. But terror also lurks inside the hallways of the office and I will list things that are scary in my, and maybe your, workplace. Read on if you dare...

• That really tall guy who walks around - I don't know what he does, what department he's from, or just how tall he really is. But man, he's a giant! And not a lumbering, friendly giant either. He's tall and lanky and glides down hallways, his gaunt arms swinging silently like a shark moving its tail. He appears out of nowhere, around corners, and walks determinedly towards some unknown destination. Do not dare look into his eyes, for his gaze will render you motionless out of the pure terror at witnessing his size. He will then step on you.

• The coffee room/pantry - The room of mystery. Silent. Abandoned. Or is it? You never know who will be in there, and for what purpose. You might go in for a second cup and there can be no one there. You hear footsteps. Is it your co-worker who never shuts up? Is it the really tall man? What if you walk in and the room is crowded, you can't even fit in. No coffee for you! The horror!

• The space under your desk - Like the murky deep where the shark from Jaws lives, the space beneath your desk can be an ominous place. It's dark and cold. Your trash is there. For all you know a family of raccoons is hiding out there. Or a big snake. If a snake got loose in your office the first place it would go is under your desk. Think about that.

• The mail room - There might as well be a big sign that says, "Keep Out." A rabid guard dog tied to a chain stands outside the entrance. A rusted gate swings in the listless breeze, its creak splitting the air. Dust floats around you. Like the bad guys in Mad Max, this place is an abandoned junkyard inhabited by post-apocalyptic renegades, leather-clad and hungry for blood. In the mail room, you don't want to be there and they don't want you there. In reality, all of the people who work in the mail room are really nice and friendly and are hard-working. But every time you approach or leave you think you catch a glimpse of something in the corner of your eye. Was the messenger guy, his razor teeth black and glistening, sharpening his knife?

• Finally, perhaps the scariest thing in any office, the photocopier - It is a behemoth. The Leviathan. The White Whale. It will swallow you hole or chew off your leg and spit you out just for the pure fun of it. Try as you might, you cannot control it. It whizzes and whirs, flashes beams of radioactive light, and spits out reams of paper. It is a demon machine. Hopefully you've all seen Office Space, they get it right. The photocopier was sent from the bowels of hell to ruin your day. Even if everything runs fine, which is rare, you must stand there, bewitched by its awesome power, forced to do its bidding. For the couple of minutes you spend in front of the machine you are a zombie, your soul is gone. When you leave you feel a burning sensation over your heart. You look and notice that the word "Xerox" is somehow tatooed on your skin...in blood! High quality, 4000 dpi blood.

Did I miss anything? What's scary in your office? I know going to work and your boss are scary enough, but anything else? Let me know.

And huge shout outs to the other people who left comments! You're great and thanks so much for reading!

Shout outs

This came from caffeekklesia.co.uk

First and foremost, here's a shout out to everyone who posts comments on this blog. Woo! Comments are what the Internet is all about, isn't it? Now, I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I have to give a big shout out to the person who posted a comment who doesn't even know me! Thanks.

Yesterday I was reading the New York Times Magazine. Now before you go and call me hoity-toity (fun to say) or a bleeding-heart liberal commie (also fun), just make sure you've read some of it once before resorting to name calling. I just think it's good that we are informed when making fun. Anywho, my favorite sections of the magazine fall right next to each other. They're the regular columns "On Language" and "The Ethicist." They're both short, sweet, and offer tasty tid-bits of fun, sometimes practical, information. Yesterday there was just a little something in the "Ethicist" section that seemed appropriate to mention in this blog.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the column I will explain. The author, Randy Cohen, answers reader's questions dealing with ethically ambiguous situations in their lives. In yesterday's column, one reader said that she kept a diary of sorts at her work computer, and in some entries she bad-mouthed her boss. This employee had to leave her job and her former boss discovered her unflattering remarks. When asked for a reference, the boss said no, for pretty obvious reasons. The question was something along the lines of whether the boss was being ethical in denying the reference. For those of you who are interested in the answer, or just interested, here is the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/magazine/23wwln-ethicist-t.html?ex=1348113600&en=c6acd1132b944c45&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

I doubt it will work. I'll try to figure out how to do it.

Now here is my question: why would you keep a diary at work? Especially on your company-owned computer? Especially complaing about your boss (however true the allegations are)? You may be reaching over to pick up your Hypocracy Paddle to give me a swing, but before you do, I have to say that for all of my griping and complaining, I am grateful for my job at my present company. This blog in no way reflects the views of my parent company and so on and such and such. Point is, this is just a blog about working, not a specific rant against individuals. As the great Oscar Wilde once put it, "I'd rather be liberal but still not liable for libel."*

*(Oscar Wilde probably never said that, I just made that up. If the estate or ghost of Oscar Wilde reads this, please don't sue or haunt me. Actually, having Oscar Wilde haunt me might be amusing at times.)

With privacy at work always a concern it is hard to complain about your boss. Sure, you can gab with your co-workers at lunch or after-hours, maybe sneak in a few jokes by the water-cooler, or you can even lock yourself in a soundproof room and scream and pound the floor till you pass out. We need to vent because sometimes our bosses aren't too great. Sometimes they are great, but they still give us work to do.

Have you ever had to openly complain about your boss by going to Human Resources? What if you want to complain about Human Resources? What if you are self-employed and you hate your boss? That would be a problem.

Well, my boss(es) have given me work so (ironically?) I can't complain about them anymore right now. Let me know how you vent about the higher-ups. And if you don't, let me know how in the world that happened. Or maybe not - hearing about how great your job is might make me cry.

It's been a while

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Yeah, yeah, it's been some time. What, a week maybe? More? Yeah, well, who reads this anyway?

Oh, you do? Well...um...thanks. Then, uh, here's another post for you.

I think in my last post I complained about how stores were stocking their shelves with Halloween items soon after Labor Day. Here's a NY Times article from yesterday to prove my point: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/17/business/media/17adcol.html?ex=1347768000&en=fb3b6cafab90f7ef&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

That's a long link. I hope it works.

But enough about candy, let's get back to work.

I'm sure most of you who work have to commute. Unless you work at home or live under your desk a la Costanza, then I bet you either walk, drive, bike, ferry, bus, or take a train to work. If you use a helicopter, horse, or hovercraft then your work must be kind of cool. I think most of us can agree that commuting sucks. It's time consuming, tedious, monotonous and can get pretty darned expensive.

I take Metro-North's New Haven line commuter rail. First off, I'm all for public transportation. I think it's great for all of the reasons: environmental, cut down traffic, support the downtrodden, etc. However, this country's public transportation system is underfunded, which should come as no surprise. The trains seats are cramped together; the train cars are falling apart; the lines get flooded or frozen; the trains don't run on time. All true, all gripes, but they're not the biggest problem.

The biggest problem with public transportation is the public. And yes, I am talking about the homeless man with a bag of rancid meat riding the subway or the fat kid selling candy bars, not to mention the countless other crazies riding the New York subway (but I'd still rather take that than a bus). I'm mainly talking about us 9-5ers who live outside the greater metropolitan area. Those of us who smoosh together in those cramped seats, avoiding eye contact, struggling to open the business section of the paper. Sardines have it better than we do.


Here's a typical, decrepit Metro North New Haven Line train.
Thanks to Mr. Cox for the photo.

I propose a call to action. Don't be afraid, commuters of the world. If you see some grey haired power-broker leaving his laptop on an empty seat, not saving it for anyone, you tell him to move. If you see a person sitting on the outside seat of a two-person row, you take that window seat. There should be no reason for there to be empty seats. This isn't a movie theater, where, unless it's opening night or you know a theater should be packed, people leave a courtesy seat open.

And let's get rid of the bar cars, shall we? I'm not against drinking, but I am against having a whole care devoted to selling four people beers while the rest of us are forced to stand. That whole car can be filled up with seats! And they sell alcohol right outside the train before you get in! If you really need a drink that bad and you forogt your Bud, then carry a flask, man.

It's the people that make the commute terrible. A majority of the people want to sleep in the morning, so don't talk loudly. Don't spread your legs open when you sit down in between two other people thinking like you own the place. Just this morning, as the train finally pulled into Grand Central, two older men got up into the aisle at the same time, one blocking the other.
"Did you ever hear of letting someone go first?" One curmudgeon said.
"I was sitting right here, I just got up. Maybe you should look before getting up," the other unhappy man said.
"[Inaudible muttering]"
"[Groan]"
Needless to say, their bickering about holding each other up caused them to hold other commuters up, and ultimately delayed their leaving the train. And why the hell would were they so eager to get to work in the first place?

The New Haven Line is not expected to get new and improved train cars until 2009. And yes, we'll have to pay more, but it'll be worth it. You must have seen the Hudson Line cars. They're beautiful. So until we make it to the 21st century, let's all realize that we're in this together. We're tired, cranky, and we don't like our knees touching other peoples'. So sit down, shut up, and be a good citizen. Work sucks enough, let's try and make the to and from less painful.

Labor Day

Well, it's been a little while. That's because yesterday was Labor Day, the day we celebrate working by doing the exact opposite. The three-day weekend signals the beginning of the Fall season, which means no more wearing white, no more barbeques, and the new TV season is almost here.

It also means that it will get dark, cold, and work should start to pick up. Thinking about the oncoming dredgery gives me pause and causes a general malaise to overcome my body. So, in the spirit of the impending doom and gloom, here is a list of things that otherwise irk me or cause general discomfort in my life:

Making a left turn when driving.
Loud neighbors.
Slow people.
Climate change.
Calling Global Warming "Climate Change."
Waking up when it's still dark.
Alarm clocks.
When stores begin promoting holidays months before they arrive. I was in the supermarket over the weekend and they already had a whole candy display for Halloween. That's two months away! It used to be that the Christmas season started the day after Thanksgiving, but now it will probably start on Columbus Day. Or before. I mean really. What's that about?

This pic wasn't from the weekend, but it still somewhat fits.
Anyways, back to the list.
Commuting.
Rubbernecking.
Fundamentalists.
Car commercials.
Unnecessary sequels or remakes.
When there is no seating available for lunch and your company doesn't have a cafeteria or open rooms.
Working for the weekend.

How about you? What do you find irritating and annoying? And if you say "this blog," congratulations, you win a free paper-clip. While supplies last.

Thanks, Google!

In case you were unawares, Google is awesome. And I'm not just saying that because Google owns and operates Blogger, therefore allowing me to write this very blog for free. Free!

So why is Google awesome? They were rated the best company to work for (said Forbes or Worth or Money) , what with their wonderful stock and employee benefits. Apparently the Google offices have supreme break rooms with foozball and jacuzzis. For a semi-work related blog, I'm jealous. I wish I knew programming so I could get a sweet gig at one of the google Googles out there.

Another reason, and perhaps more apt for this blog, that Google rocks is because of the internet services they provide. And no, not just the search. I'm talking iGoogle, the customizable homepage. Now, I'll admit I'm way behind on...well...just about everything, but indulge me. The customizable homepage has everything an active slacker needs: up to the minute news regarding sports, entertainment, science, and news; jokes, quotes, The Onion headlines, YouTube video links, a Wikipedia search engine, and games! All on one page! You can spend hours clicking back and forth between Google News' "Top Stories" and "Popular" tags. They're slightly different! And you can choose between not one, not two, but maybe seventeen frustrating dirt bike mini-games. Google has taken some of the best of the internet and put it all together for you.

Here's a link! Wow!
(Well, I can't figure out how to work the link button. Or do lots of stuff)
Just go here: http://www.google.com/ig?hl=en

While some may argue that Google is quickly swallowing the internet whole and will eventually create the Matrix, I argue that, for now, Google is a good way to not do work.

Clearly, I have very little to say. It's a sad state of affairs when all there is to comment on is Google. Here's a picture:


Soon people will be calling these "Googles"

What wonders of the internet can you share that will help us get through the day? Do you know how many zeroes a googleplex has? Is there something about your work that you would like to know/hear about?

Also, I have no idea how to get a blogroll or link other people or do anything snazzy. If you have ideas, suggestions, advice, or want to make sure your keyboard is still working, leave a comment. Thanks.

The First Post

Welcome, denizens of the internet. Thanks for taking some time while you glide through the blogosphere to visit my little space.

I'm at work right now researching some blogs and I realized, "Hey, if every stay at home mom with an overzealous love for her five cats and knitting ability can blog, so can I." So out of boredom, coupled with an insatiable need to be loved and shunned at the same time, blogging seemed like the perfect idea.

This blog is for all of you out there who are toiling away in the workforce, be it in the corporate world, manual labor, and anything in between. It is for all of you trying to make it through the day, watching the clock, counting the seconds and the pennies that will fall into your piggy bank, only to be yanked out right away. For those of you who may, like me, be bored and restless, not content with the career path you are trying to navigate. This is also for you who searched "Salt" or "Miner" hoping for something better. And isn't that like everyone? Hoping for something better? Well, until that something comes, here's this.

What is a salt mine? If you have to ask, you're probably not very bright. A salt mine is exactly what it sounds like: a place to mine salt. Yes, not all salt comes from the sea or Baby Jesus' tears. Some salt comes from the ground. For more, thrilling information, go here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salt_mine.

There's a picture, a thing I hope to have more of.

And if you have to ask what a salt miner is, I am surprised you have enough motor skills to have made it to this blog.

Why a salt mine? Because they were used for punishment; where slaves went to work in an endless hell of monotony and danger; a soul sucking pit of despair to appease their not-salty-enough overlords. Did anyone see Ben-Hur with Charlton Heston? I know, it's like five hours long and people only care about the horsies and the "Truly you are the Son of Man" line (see: The Simpsons "A Star Is Burns"). But remember that scene where Ben is down in the salt mines? Unpleasant business.

I wanted to get a picture of Charlton Heston in the mine, but all I found were these:


(Thanks, Google, for the images)
(Which one should be the main pic for this blog?)


So why the Salt Miner? Because I thought Rat Racer was a little too grimy for my taste (although cool sounding). Sidenote: does rat race mean a race of rats on a track, or rats racing in a maze to find the cheese? Both? Or neither? And please, try not to comment on the movie - Cuba Gooding Jr. should not be getting work. But the Salt Miner more resembles the working man because, well, he more resembles a man. While there may be a big, honkin piece of cheese out there for some, most of us plebeians simply work because we have to. Once you realize the cheese-money will always be there and never enough, you come to understand that all there that's left to do is hack away the salt.

Um...yeah.

What is this blog about then? I'm not sure. This may be the only post. As you may have already guessed, I know next to nothing about blogging, html, xml, shtml, C++, and loads of other techno-jargon, so if I do continue, hopefully this will look prettier. Hopefully I won't get caught blogging so much and get canned. Hopefully I will embed videos and have links and other goodies. Maybe I'll even have something insightful or funny (or both!) to say.

Work sucks and I'm sorry if blogging about it does too.

So until I get some real work to do, or have something better to say, keep punching those time cards. And each other.